These Advice from A Dad That Saved Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of being a father.

But the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You are not in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate among men, who continue to hold onto negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a display of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to take a pause - going on a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."